my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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