Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
