If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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