I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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