I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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