i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
