Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
