So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
