I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
