He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
