Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
