so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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