Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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