I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
