who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
