Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
