Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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