she woke up with a sticky ear
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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