lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
