good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
