If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
