just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
