i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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