12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
