My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
