I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
