Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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