Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
