I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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