Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I could fuck to npr.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
