I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
