I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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