Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
