ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
