i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
