so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
