yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
