I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You smell like stripper and shame
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
