I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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