Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
