You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
