9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
