I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
