We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
