Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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