My friends, they love my intelligence
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
