Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
