this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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