I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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