How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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