I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
